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	<title>The Hard-Working Words Blog</title>
	<link>http://haddadink.com/blog</link>
	<description>Bloggish Thoughts from Marketing Wonk and Copywriter Chris Haddad</description>
	<pubDate>Sun, 13 May 2012 20:24:33 +0000</pubDate>
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		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=162</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=162#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Feb 2010 07:48:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Ramblings</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=162</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[

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			<wfw:commentRSS>http://haddadink.com/blog/?feed=rss2&amp;p=162</wfw:commentRSS>
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		<item>
		<title>MURDER MOST FOUL! . . .</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=226</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=226#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:34:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Ramblings</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=226</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hey Folks,
I&#8217;ve ceremonially murdered this blog and moved all my rants over to my spiffy NEW blog at http://www.moneyfingersinc.com
Much more robust site and I&#8217;m adding content to it weekly (instead of &#8220;When I get around to it).
Check it out: http://www.moneyfingersinc.com
Best,
c

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey Folks,</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve ceremonially murdered this blog and moved all my rants over to my spiffy NEW blog at http://www.moneyfingersinc.com</p>
<p>Much more robust site and I&#8217;m adding content to it weekly (instead of &#8220;When I get around to it).</p>
<p>Check it out: http://www.moneyfingersinc.com</p>
<p>Best,</p>
<p>c</p>
<p><!--1822b747a5a7ec04a6050618681953c6--><!--fc145cb5c21d59c7377e1bb47ad1d05c--><br />
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			<wfw:commentRSS>http://haddadink.com/blog/?feed=rss2&amp;p=226</wfw:commentRSS>
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		<title>HWW #49 - How To Use Risk Reversal To Double Your Sales Without Losing Your Shirt</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=225</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=225#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:55:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Ramblings</category>
	<category>Newsletter</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=225</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I actually wrote this newsletter way back on Thursday while at the Social Media Pre-Day of Yanik Silver&#8217;s Underground 5 in DC. I meant to hop online and post it but . . . uh . . .honestly, I was just too busy meeting awesome people and having a raucously good time.
I twittered like a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I actually wrote this newsletter way back on Thursday while at the Social Media Pre-Day of Yanik Silver&#8217;s Underground 5 in DC. I meant to hop online and post it but . . . uh . . .honestly, I was just too busy meeting awesome people and having a raucously good time.</p>
<p>I twittered like a maniac the whole time I was there, so if you want the scoop just look at my timeline at http://www.twitter.com/chrishaddad . . .or you can search for #UG5 to hear what other folks had to say.</p>
<p>And noooowwww. .  . . for the main event.</p>
<p>========================<br />
How To Use Risk Reversal To Double Your Sales Without Losing Your Shirt<br />
========================</p>
<p>Did you watch the Superbowl a few weeks back? It was a good game, but the REAL action happened early on during the commercials.</p>
<p>Hyundai (the tiny, budget-minded Japanese car company) put out a frankly awesome commercial that got my Cheetos addled marketing brain buzzing. It wasn&#8217;t a &#8220;clever&#8221; or creative commercial, but I&#8217;m willing to bet that it&#8217;ll be more responsible for the relative success of Hyundai over the next year as anything.</p>
<p>What did they say? They said &#8220;Buy a Hyundai. If at any time in the next year you lose your source of income, you can return the car for a 100% return of your money.&#8221;</p>
<p>Now this is incredibly smart on Hyundai&#8217;s part. In today&#8217;s terrible economy nobody wants to risk buying a car. They&#8217;re afraid that if they fork out 10, 20 or 30k for a new car they&#8217;ll wake up tomorrow jobless and broke, unable to make the payments and trying to figure out how to feed their family with a couple of tons of Japanese steel.</p>
<p>So Hyundai reversed that risk, completely eliminated that fear and gave their customers a generous GUARANTEE that they wouldn&#8217;t find themselves hungry and holding a lemon.</p>
<p>====================================<br />
Now, Guarantees are Nothing New Of Course<br />
====================================</p>
<p>Marketers big and small have been using guarantees to reverse risk and increase sales since the dawn of time. (I&#8217;m pretty sure that 15 minutes after Grog invented the wheel he offered &#8220;guaranteed roundness&#8221; for 1.5 million years.)</p>
<p>But I&#8217;m always amazed how few business owners use them effectively.</p>
<p>=====================================<br />
So what Kind of Guarantee Should *You* Use?<br />
=====================================</p>
<p>Good question. Personally, I think you&#8217;ll figure out your best guarantee yourself, but here&#8217;s some fuel to get you started.</p>
<p>1. The Basic Unconditional Money Back Guarantee . . . We&#8217;ve all seen this one before. &#8220;Simply invest in the Incredible Back Scratcher EXTREME Today. If you aren&#8217;t completely satisfied simply return the product within 30 days for a full refund.&#8221; This is the &#8220;entry level&#8221; guarantee and you should have something like it if you want to do well in today&#8217;s economy.</p>
<p>2. For Services . . . The Guaranteed Results Guarantee: &#8220;I personally guarantee that, after our 5th session together, your Chakras will be completely aligned and you&#8217;ll feel an amazing sense of wellness throughout your whole body. If not, simply let me know and I&#8217;ll work with you at no additional charge until you&#8217;re completely satisfied.&#8221; I do a variation on this guarantee as a copywriter. I offer my clients 30 days of rewrites, tweaks and copy improvements (including full rewrites if necessary) for no additional charge.</p>
<p>3. The &#8220;More Than Your Money Back&#8221; Guarantee . . . This is a favorite of mine, though if your product, seminar or service sucks it can be risky. &#8220;I&#8217;m so confident that you&#8217;ll be satisfied with the POGO MASTER DVD set that I&#8217;d like to offer you this amazing Guarantee. Try POGO MASTER for 60 days . . . if it isn&#8217;t the most complete and USEFUL POGO training you&#8217;ve ever seen, simply let me know. I&#8217;ll not only return your money but will actually give you $50 out of my own pocket just for wasting your time.&#8221;</p>
<p>4. The Conditional &#8220;Prove It&#8221; Guarantee . . . This one&#8217;s a bit of a &#8220;challenge&#8221; to your customer. In it you offer to refund them, but only if they PROVE that they&#8217;ve actually given your product a chance. It&#8217;s great for higher priced info products. &#8220;Order Barka Lounger Workout Secrets&#8221; today for just $1997. Watch the DVD&#8217;s. Fill out the worksheets. Experience what the Barka lounger system can do for you. Any time in the next 90 days, if you give my system an HONEST chance but don&#8217;t lose weight while sitting in your Barka Lounger, simply let me know. I&#8217;ll review your homework and will personally work with you to get the results you crave. If after we work together you STILL aren&#8217;t where you want to be, I&#8217;ll refund your money and we&#8217;ll part as friends.&#8221;</p>
<p>And that&#8217;s really just the tip of the guarantee iceberg.</p>
<p>=====================================================<br />
But Doesn&#8217;t A Guarantee Mean That My Customers Will Rip Me Off?<br />
=====================================================</p>
<p>Yup, and it will drive you to a rage. Fact of the matter is that no matter how good your product is and no matter how honest you are in your marketing there&#8217;s always going to be a small percentage of customers who *abuse* your guarantee, get great value out of your product and *still* demand their money back. We have a word for these people. @#$*#weasels.</p>
<p>But you shouldn&#8217;t let the @#$*#weasels get you down. Why? Because for every single @#$*#weasel who rips you off, you&#8217;ll have a hundred more happy customers who are honest and ethical and who bought *because* of your guarantee.</p>
<p>And here&#8217;s the awesome thing, generally speaking . . .</p>
<p>================================<br />
The Longer Your Guarantee The Fewer People Will Use It And The More Money You&#8217;ll Make<br />
================================</p>
<p>Test after test have shown that longer, more generous guarantees not only increase sales, they actually DECREASE returns.</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Well, if you&#8217;ve got a basic 30 day guarantee, your customers can really feel that time pressure. They can watch the clock, dig through your product, desperately try to find fault and then return it to grab their cash back.</p>
<p>But with a longer guarantee, that pressure&#8217;s gone. Your customers feel like they can put off worrying about your guarantee until tomorrow and, more often than not, either forget or decide that your product really was worth the money they paid for it.</p>
<p>==============<br />
So To Sum Up . . .<br />
==============<br />
To make money and do well in any economy . . .</p>
<p>1. Make A Big Ballsy Promise That Delivers A Benefit Your Customers Desperately Want<br />
2. Reverse Risk Through A Generous Guarantee<br />
3. Over deliver on your promise . . . and smile every time you get a return because you know that for every @#$*#weasels you just got a 100 great customers.</p>
<p>MORE:<br />
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/chrishaddad<br />
Blog: http://www.haddadink.com/blog<br />
Email: chris@haddadink.com</p>
<p><!--7536fc48c8d6cf4c342a4f624f795f25--><!--c2dbf9029dff98be493a71e6bf299577--><!--f5627cf029b6ae0dc1f171709c8c8ece--><br />
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			<wfw:commentRSS>http://haddadink.com/blog/?feed=rss2&amp;p=225</wfw:commentRSS>
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		<title>HWW #48 - How To Make Even High Prices Seem Like A Steal</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=224</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=224#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:15:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Ramblings</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=224</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Welcome back to the Hard Working Words newsletter . . . monthly tips, tricks and bits of advice from Marketing Consultant and Direct Response Copywriter Chris “Mr. Moneyfingers” Haddad . . .
In today’s issue I’ll reveal a short but *powerful* method you can use to make even high prices seem reasonable . . . and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Welcome back to the Hard Working Words newsletter . . . monthly tips, tricks and bits of advice from Marketing Consultant and Direct Response Copywriter Chris “Mr. Moneyfingers” Haddad . . .</p>
<p>In today’s issue I’ll reveal a short but *powerful* method you can use to make even high prices seem reasonable . . . and to make lower prices seem like an absolute steal.</p>
<p>Ready?<br />
Great.<br />
Let’s dive in.</p>
<p>==================<br />
How To Make Even High Prices Seem Like An Absolute Steal<br />
==================</p>
<p>In a recent speech to the National Retail Federation, Walmart CEO Lee Scott noted that, in a focus group of young shoppers, “Every one of them had given something up, and they were talking about how *good* they felt about doing that.”<br />
Which roughly translates into “People are spending less. .  . and they’re ENJOYING spending less.”</p>
<p>Now, as a frugal guy myself (I can make on sweater last a lifetime), I actually like the idea that folks across the country are tightening the purse strings and saving their cash. Especially if it keeps them from falling into credit card debt or spending money on Miley Cyrus albums.</p>
<p>But if you’re a entrepreneur, business owner or marketer . . . well then this sudden explosion of financial responsibility can pose a bit of a . . . err . . . problem.</p>
<p>After all,*you* still need to make sales, pay your bills and (hopefully) grow your company.</p>
<p>But how can you do that when your customers LIKE holding on to their money?</p>
<p>Now, when I wear my consulting hat (it’s brown one and says “the North Face” on it. Bald men need warm hats) I help clients solve this problem in all sorts of ways . . . from reactivating dormant customers . . . to creating “ghost” competition . . . to finding hidden profit centers they never knew were there.</p>
<p>But today I’d like to focus on something simple that you can do *right* now to ratchet up the perceived value of what you’re selling and make your price seem not just reasonable . . . but actually kind of ridiculously cheap.</p>
<p>A trick I call . . .</p>
<p>============================<br />
“The Apples To Oranges Comparison” . . . or “How To Justify Your Price In 2 Easy Steps”<br />
============================</p>
<p>Here’s how it works . . .</p>
<p>Now, most business folk make the mistake of comparing“apples to apples. . . ”</p>
<p>They compare the price of their product (or whatever else they’re selling) against the same product or service being offered by their competition . . .</p>
<p>Or they don’t do any comparison at all and let the customer do all the mental math for them.</p>
<p>So a massage therapist might say “We charge $75 per one hour session . . .” and mentally their customer compares that against the “regular” price they’ve seen for massage and makes a decision on whether it’s worth the money.</p>
<p>And that works “alright” in a good economy. But in a bad economy? Well, you need to get a bit more creative.</p>
<p>You need to get your prospect to compare your product or service to other MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE product or service that accomplishes (more or less) the same thing.</p>
<p>For instance . . .  let’s pretend that you’re selling a downloadable course on how to give deep tissue massage and that you’re aiming it at every day folks . . . folk who come home tired every day . . . have sore muscles and just want to be able to relax. (Let’s say it’s for couples, cuz that’s more fun.)</p>
<p>How would you justify the price?<br />
How would you make this product (which is an ebook plus some downloadable videos) seem like a *screaming deal?*</p>
<p>Well, here’s what I would do. I would say . . .</p>
<p>“So, how much does The Complete Couples Massage Course cost?</p>
<p>That’s a really good question and I’m glad you asked it.</p>
<p>The cost of this course . .  .complete with the illustrated couples massage workbook, 5 hours of professionally produced videos showing you the EXACT technique to release tight, tense muscles, the bonus relaxation CD and the Pilates for dummies super training is just $97.00.</p>
<p>Does that seem like a lot?</p>
<p>It really shouldn’t.</p>
<p>Just think about it for a moment.<br />
Learning these powerful massage techniques at an accredited massage school would cost you several thousand dollars  at least . . . you’d have to adjust your busy schedule to make sure you could make the class in the first place . . . and, depending on where you live . . . your instruction wouldn’t be anywhere near the quality of what you’ll receive from Jennifer and Bill.</p>
<p>And, of course, there’s another great cost savings . . .</p>
<p>Most professional massage therapists charge at least $75 per one hour session . . . plus tip. Even if you just receive one massage a week to help you unwind from your long day, that will quickly add up to almost $400 per month.</p>
<p>But with the Complete Couples Massage Course you’ll not only save money. You’ll build  longer, deeper bond with your partner. You’ll give each other the gift of relaxation and will be able to set aside quiet time to build more intimacy in your relationship.</p>
<p>And I’m not really sure you can put a price on that.”</p>
<p>And then, of course, we’d move on to our guarantee where we made the deal seem even better.</p>
<p>But as you can see there, I didn’t compare the course to other online massage courses . . . and I didn’t compare it what my prospects might normally expect to pay for a booklet and a few videos.</p>
<p>Instead I compared the Apple (online couples massage course) to the Orange (professional massage training, getting massages.)</p>
<p>If I were writing a full sales letter for this I’d probably spend a bunch more copy talking about the intimacy aspect.</p>
<p>==============================<br />
OK, But How Can You Use This For Non-Info Products?<br />
==============================</p>
<p>Great question. And I’ve got good news, it’s actually pretty easy if you can be a little creative.</p>
<p>Just think about the RESULT you get for your clients and compare it to other, more expensive, options that get the same or similar result . . . or to the money your clients will lose if they try to go it alone.</p>
<p>If you’re a massage therapist . . . compare yourself to the cost of chiropractic, prescription pain pills, lost productivity and even surgery.</p>
<p>If you’re a drum instructor . . . . compare yourself to the cost of 4 years at Julliard . . . or the the many, many wasted hours of practicing the wrong way.</p>
<p>And if you’re selling a widget of some kind . . . compare your price to the price of higher end widgets that do the same thing.<br />
I could go on, but you get the idea.</p>
<p>Got it?<br />
Good.</p>
<p>I expect homework by morning.</p>
<p>If you’ve got any questions or comments, you can still reach me at chris@haddadink.com</p>
<p>If you want to read more of this kind of stuff, head on over to the HWW blog at http://www.haddadink.com/blog (gonna be moving to a new blog soon. So bear with the technical hiccups.)</p>
<p>If you want to know WAAAY too much about what I do all day, follow me on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/chrishaddad<br />
And if you want to learn more about me and the voodoo that I do so well, well check out http://www.haddadink.com</p>
<p>P.S. After writing this, I’m totally interested in a couples massage course I can watch at home. Sheesh. Somebody make that!</p>
<p><!--36679116c0910c4773f9776e336acc9e--><!--73eadc398c5bc7151201f11290f549f7--><br />
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			<wfw:commentRSS>http://haddadink.com/blog/?feed=rss2&amp;p=224</wfw:commentRSS>
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		<title>HWW #47 - How To Become Indispensable</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=223</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=223#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:31:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Ramblings</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=223</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hey folks,Welcome back to HWW. This is the last issue of the big newsletter for 2008. So let&#8217;s make it a good one and talk about a topic that&#8217;s near and dear to a lot of people&#8217;s hearts.
=======
How  Do You Make Yourself (Or Your Product) Indispensable?
=======
It&#8217;s a fact, consumers and businesses are being a *lot* [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Hey folks,Welcome back to HWW. This is the last issue of the big newsletter for 2008. So let&#8217;s make it a good one and talk about a topic that&#8217;s near and dear to a lot of people&#8217;s hearts.
<p>=======<br />
<strong>How  Do You Make Yourself (Or Your Product) Indispensable?</strong><br />
=======</p>
<p>It&#8217;s a fact, consumers and businesses are being a *lot* more picky about where they spend their money these days. Expenses are getting cut to the bone, and most costs that can be even vaguely classified as &#8220;luxuries&#8221; are getting tossed aside like 3 day old gum.</p>
<p>So, how do you keep yourself or your product on the list of &#8220;Must Haves&#8221; and off the list of &#8220;expenses&#8221; getting slashed?</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s a few quick tips:</p>
<p><strong>1. Show An Immediate Return On Investment.</strong></p>
<p>The easiest way to stay on the &#8220;Gotta have it&#8221; list is to show in no uncertain terms that you&#8217;re product or *service* makes your customers more money than it *costs* them.</p>
<p>For example, in my role as a high fallutin&#8217; marketing mucky muck and copywriter, I can show pretty easily that for every dollar my clients spend with me, they earn several dollars more in profit that they wouldn&#8217;t have had before.</p>
<p>Which is great for me and others like me in the &#8220;Marketing&#8221; game. But how do you show ROI when you&#8217;re not in the &#8220;helping people make more money&#8221; biz? Good question. All you&#8217;ve got to do is . . .</p>
<p><strong>2. Be The Cheaper And Higher Value Alternative.</strong></p>
<p>Now, before we get into this, let me say right now that I&#8217;m *not* suggesting that you cut your prices. So get that part out of your head right now.</p>
<p>In copywriting there&#8217;s a concept called &#8220;comparing apple&#8217;s to oranges.&#8221;</p>
<p>That&#8217;s where you compare the price of what you&#8217;ve got to sell to much higher priced alternatives.</p>
<p>For instance, you might compare the value of a $27 e book to the value of a $2,000.00 in person seminar.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s an incredibly effective sales technique.</p>
<p>And you can do the same thing in your business.</p>
<p>Ask yourself, what were your customers (or potential customers) paying for before that they don&#8217;t want to (or can&#8217;t) pay for now?</p>
<p>And how can your service provide the same or similar results (or even just perceived results) at a lower cost?</p>
<p>Need an example?</p>
<p>If you&#8217;re a massage therapist, you could compare you&#8217;re high value massage against the cost of physical therapy, chiropractic or alternative pain relief treatments.</p>
<p>If you run a bike shop, you could compare the cost of a bicycle against the cost of gas, insurance, car repairs, gym memberships and . . . uh . . well . . . heart attack surgery.</p>
<p>And if you&#8217;re selling video game consoles you could compare the cost of a video game versus the cost of a night out, a movie or even an evening of bowling.</p>
<p>The key here is to make your customers feel like they&#8217;re *saving* money by *spending* with you.</p>
<p><strong>3. Be Creative In Your Pricing . . . Make it Easy For Your Customers</strong></p>
</div>
<div />
<div>I can&#8217;t even tell you how often I smack my hand against my massive noggin and bemoan how hard so many businesses make it for me to do business with them.If you want to survive in today&#8217;s tough times, you&#8217;ve got to make spending money with you the simplest thing in the world.
<p>That means offering a strong guarantee (and standing behind it no matter what) . . . offering package pricing that seems like a killer deal and do everything you can to make your customers feel great working with your business.</p>
<p>And finally, the best way to become Indispensable is to . . .</p>
<p><strong>4. Give people What They Want</strong></p>
<p>This one seems obvious, and I&#8217;m sure I&#8217;ve talked about it before. But the single best  way to become Indispensable is to find out what your customers are worried about and what they truly want . . . and to give it to them.</p>
<p>Not what you think they want.</p>
<p>Not what you want them to want. (That&#8217;s the quickest path to failure.)</p>
<p>But what they actually want.</p>
<p>And realize that what people want when money is tight and times are tough is a lot different than what they want when things are flush.</p>
<p>Alright, that feels like about enough for today.</p>
<p>You can get more crunchy marketing goodness at <a href="http://www.haddadink.com/blog">The HWW Blog</a></p>
<p>Or you can get in touch with me by hitting reply at the top of this message.</p>
</div>
<div />Later.
<p>C</p>
<p><!--2a8af541487815bbec6d7fb89f29f6cc--><!--3d60b7158314479795044aedc222bba9--><br />
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			<wfw:commentRSS>http://haddadink.com/blog/?feed=rss2&amp;p=223</wfw:commentRSS>
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		<title>HWW #46 - Answer O&#8217;Rama</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=222</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=222#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:45:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Ramblings</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=222</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hey {!name},
Whew. I got a *lot* of responses to my email last week . . .
I asked &#8220;What&#8217;s the biggest question you&#8217;ve got about surviving therecession?&#8221;
And the responses came *flooding* in . . .
Obviously, folks are nervous about the current economy and howthey&#8217;re going to get through it.
But enough preamble . . . let&#8217;s dive [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey {!name},</p>
<p>Whew. I got a *lot* of responses to my email last week . . .</p>
<p>I asked &#8220;What&#8217;s the biggest question you&#8217;ve got about surviving the<br />recession?&#8221;</p>
<p>And the responses came *flooding* in . . .</p>
<p>Obviously, folks are nervous about the current economy and how<br />they&#8217;re going to get through it.</p>
<p>But enough preamble . . . let&#8217;s dive in. Any one of these questions<br />could fill a whole issue of HWW by themselves, but I&#8217;m going to try<br />to keep my answers brief so that we can cover as much ground as<br />possible.</p>
<p>============================<br />Carrie Lanza asks . . . &#8220;Chris . . . How do I start out as a<br />freelancer during the recession?&#8221;<br />============================</p>
<p>Hi Carrie,</p>
<p>First off, congrats. Going out on your own can seem scary at first,<br />but once you get your feet under you, you&#8217;ll wonder how you ever<br />got by before.</p>
<p>Some key points of advice:</p>
<p>1. Live Below Your Means (and then grow your means.)</p>
<p>The sad fact of the matter (and one of the big reasons that we&#8217;re<br />in this financial mess) is that most Americans spend way, way WAY<br />more than they actually make. As a freelancer and small business<br />owner, you just can&#8217;t afford to do that. You&#8217;ve got to cut your<br />expenses, your luxuries and even your long term investments to the<br />BONE and build up as much of a cash cushion as you can. Get as<br />close to &#8220;starving college student&#8221; living as you can.</p>
<p>2. Forget Your Passion . . . Give The Market What It Wants.</p>
<p>Remember that old adage &#8220;Do what you love and the money will<br />follow?&#8221; It&#8217;s great if you&#8217;re writing greeting cards or trying to<br />inspire a room full of passionate Ukelelee players . . . but it&#8217;s<br />utterly worthless when it comes to doing business in hard times.</p>
<p>Instead, you&#8217;ve got to focus on what you&#8217;re good at, what you don&#8217;t<br />*hate* doing, and what people are actually still willing to pay<br />good money for.</p>
<p>Which means you&#8217;ve got to help them *make* money (which is what<br />marketing consultants and copywriters do) . . . help them *save*<br />money (by doing a job they used to do themselves or in house, but<br />cheaper) or that shows another simple and tangible return on<br />investment.</p>
<p>3. Be Shameless In Your Self Promotion . . .Make Big Promises AND<br />KEEP THEM.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s the big one. You didn&#8217;t mention what you wanted to go<br />freelance *as* in your email, but no matter what it is you&#8217;ve got<br />to be ready, willing and able to *sell yourself.&#8221;</p>
<p>As I&#8217;ve said for years,  &#8220;Marketing is the art of making a promise<br />and keeping it.&#8221;</p>
<p>When talking to potential clients you&#8217;ve got to be aggressive (but<br />not obnoxious) and lay out in exacting detail what kind of results<br />you can get for them.  Make big promises . . . and then drastically<br />exceed the results you promised.</p>
<p>=========================================<br />Robert Landis asks . . . &#8220;One sure way to increase market share or<br />number of clients, is to reduce prices during a recession. However,<br />we are already a &#8220;low cost provider&#8221; by many of our competitors<br />standards, only charging $95.00 per hour. In addition, we have<br />business booked until late January 09. One attempt we have made to<br />address this issue is offer Search Engine Marketing services for a<br />small flat monthly fee plus a 10% commission on sales from the<br />campaigns. Any other creative ideas?&#8221;<br />=========================================</p>
<p>Hi Robert,</p>
<p>I&#8217;d actually disagree with your initial statement. If you&#8217;re<br />selling widgets or a commodity, then yes, lowering prices can ramp<br />up your business. But for a service-based small business like<br />yours, lowering prices is often akin to corporate suicide. It<br />slashes your margins and, in some cases, actually scares away<br />customers who think &#8220;If you&#8217;re that cheap, you can&#8217;t be very good<br />at what you do.&#8221;</p>
<p>But let&#8217;s get to the other part of your question . . .</p>
<p>Commission-based work is great.</p>
<p>A few other ideas I&#8217;d recommend:</p>
<p>1. Keep your prices where you are, but make bigger promises and add<br />more value. (Man, I say that word a lot.) What&#8217;s unique about you?<br />What do you do that no one else does? Can you offer some for of<br />guarantee or maintenance schedule at no additional cost? Do you<br />have services that are really cheap for you to perform but that are<br />worth a ton to your customer? Throw those in for free as &#8220;Bonuses&#8221;<br />for your clients. The problem I see with a lot of web dev houses is<br />that they &#8220;Commoditize&#8221; themselves. They all sell themselves based<br />on time units and offer very little to stand out.</p>
<p>2. Become an authority in your niche. Start sending out a<br />newsletter or doing webinars or teleseminars on topics that are<br />important to your customers and that are done in language they<br />understand. Give away your absolute best advice for free. You&#8217;ll be<br />shocked how many folks then call you up and ask you to work for them.</p>
<p>But no matter what, you&#8217;ve got to start finding a way to<br />differentiate yourself from the competition. Web Dev houses are a<br />dime a dozen. What makes you DIFFERENT?</p>
<p>=========================================<br />Elizabeth asks &#8220;What can a person who is inherently lazy do to<br />become less lazy about marketing themselves? Well, not so much lazy<br />as shy.&#8221;<br />=========================================</p>
<p>Hey Elizabeth,</p>
<p>I had some friends not so long ago ask me for some marketing<br />advice. They asked me how they could quickly promote their small<br />business and get some more customers.</p>
<p>And I laid out a pretty simple plan that I think would have worked<br />quite well. They listened patiently and at the end said &#8220;That<br />sounds like a lot of work. We don&#8217;t want to do that.&#8221;</p>
<p>And I said &#8220;Well, then go out of business.&#8221;</p>
<p>Personally, I&#8217;m a pretty lazy guy (and am secretly pretty shy) so I<br />can empathize . . . but if you&#8217;re going to survive in tough times,<br />you&#8217;ve got to beat that out of yourself. Like I told Carrie, you&#8217;ve<br />got to be willing to go out and make big promises and follow<br />through on them.</p>
<p>You&#8217;ve got a simple choice: You can kick yourself in the pants and<br />go out and *sell* yourself properly now . . . or you can wait until<br />the money&#8217;s gone dry and try to do it then. Not pretty. Not fun.<br />But necessary.</p>
<p>Sorry I don&#8217;t have a magic bullet for you. But shy people don&#8217;t<br />tend to do well as entrepreneurs. (Unless they learn how to hide<br />that shyness behind a mask of frightening confidence. Not that I<br />would know anything about that.)</p>
<p>===================================<br />Howard Howell asks &#8220;How do I interest biz owners and pro service<br />providers in investing in their own education by attending my paid<br />workshops on entrepreneurial sales and profits?&#8221;<br />===================================</p>
<p>You scare them.</p>
<p>Scare the bejeeezus out of them, actually.</p>
<p>And I&#8217;m not really kidding.</p>
<p>Howard, honestly, you&#8217;re in one of the easier niches to sell in<br />this kind of economy. The &#8220;learn how to make more money&#8221; niche. The<br />key is, you&#8217;ve got to outline in exact detail the huge BENEFITS of<br />learning your system.</p>
<p>* How much more *money* will I make if I attend your training?<br />* What *huge problems* will you solve for me?<br />* What *massive regrets* will I have if I *don&#8217;t* come to your<br />seminar?<br />* What *ridiculously generous* guarantee will you give me that your<br />workshop is worth my time?</p>
<p>I&#8217;d also start tying the bad state of the economy directly into<br />your marketing. Bring up the crumbling economy and tell your<br />prospects that you&#8217;ve got the system to beat it.</p>
<p>Whew. And I think that&#8217;s all we have room for today.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve still got a ton of questions stacked up in my inbox. What I&#8217;ll<br />probably do is pick a few to highlight on the blog. So if you don&#8217;t<br />see your question answered here, don&#8217;t panic. I&#8217;ll try and get to<br />it as soon as I can.</p>
<p>You can find the blog at Haddadink.com/blog</p>
<p>And you can get in touch with me just by replying to this email.</p>
<p>Later skaters,</p>
<p>Chris</p>
<p><!--09955059539887b97950d0ff928dd1dc--></p>
<p><!--324737d016b421def75dd55257fe804c--></p>
</p>
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			<wfw:commentRSS>http://haddadink.com/blog/?feed=rss2&amp;p=222</wfw:commentRSS>
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		<title>Thoughts on JV Alert Live In (Not) Las Vegas</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=221</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=221#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:11:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Ramblings</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=221</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hey folks,
If you&#8217;ve been following me on twitter you know that I spent the weekend down in Las Vegas at Ken Mcarthur&#8217;s JV Alert Live Seminar . . . 
Or, well, I spent the weekend near Las Vegas anyway.
For some reason or other Ken decided to have the seminar at the Montelago Village Resort and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey folks,</p>
<p>If you&#8217;ve been <a href="http://twitter.com/ChrisHaddad">following me on twitter</a> you know that I spent the weekend down in Las Vegas at Ken Mcarthur&#8217;s JV Alert Live Seminar . . . </p>
<p>Or, well, I spent the weekend <strong>near</strong> Las Vegas anyway.</p>
<p>For some reason or other Ken decided to have the seminar at the Montelago Village Resort and Casino . . . which is a weird and worrisome not-quite-a-ghost-town-but-close megaresort about 17 miles from the Las Vegas strip.</p>
<p>The place is downright <strong>creepy</strong> . . . and would probably be a great setting for a zombie movie.</p>
<p>On the upside, the resort has a man-made lake and is within spitting distance of Celine Dion&#8217;s house.</p>
<p>On the downside, the Montelago is suffering a slow and depressing death and is 17 MILES FROM THE STRIP. (Oh grand vision of Las Vegas, why must you tempt me so.)</p>
<p>As for the Seminar itself, I&#8217;d give it an A- for networking and a solid C for actual content and value. I met some amazing people in my 4 days at the Montelago, solidified some existing relationships and cooked up quite a few evil schemes that will pay off in the future.</p>
<p>But I didn&#8217;t learn a thing.</p>
<p>One by one the speakers clambered up onto the stage, told their life stories and launched into a pitch without delivering anything close to actual value.</p>
<p>Maybe I&#8217;ve been spoiled by Eben Pagan, but these days I expect to actually get some value for my hard earned cash. </p>
<p>Even Joe Sugarman, who I was greatly looking forward to meeting, completely failed to deliver. His talk was titled something like &#8220;How To Improve Your Copy In 3 Easy Steps&#8221; but he spent 2 hours talking about Batman Credit cards and failed ads and then tried to sell us skin cream.</p>
<p>It was surreal.</p>
<p>I still love the whole JV Alert crowd. They&#8217;re all warm, passionate people and I consider many of them to be good friends, but if you&#8217;re going to go, go for the networking and skip the pitchfest in the room.</p>
<p><!--e533fd9c5c4d9942d0957dd9340e4b09--><!--2bdbef05f924bdba68ab69cf0abc8ec5--><br />
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		<title>HWW #45 - Why The Recession Is Like A Potato</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=220</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=220#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Oct 2008 05:15:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Marketing</category>
	<category>Newsletter</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=220</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hey Folks,
Welcome back to the HardWorking words newsletter.
You remember that old Gershwin brothers song?
I think it was called &#8220;Let&#8217;s call the whole thing off&#8221; and I bet you can hum it in your head.
Or heck, you can even sing it out loud. I promise nobody will look at you weird. It goes like this . [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey Folks,</p>
<p>Welcome back to the HardWorking words newsletter.</p>
<p>You remember that old Gershwin brothers song?</p>
<p>I think it was called &#8220;Let&#8217;s call the whole thing off&#8221; and I bet you can hum it in your head.</p>
<p>Or heck, you can even sing it out loud. I promise nobody will look at you weird. It goes like this . . .</p>
<p>&#8220;You say Poh-TAY-to and I say Poh-TAH-to . . .<br />
You say To-MAY-to and I say To-MAH-to<br />
Poh-TAY-to, Poh-TAH-to . . .<br />
To-MAY-to, To-MAH-to . . .<br />
Let&#8217;s call the whole thing off.&#8221;</p>
<p>It&#8217;s a fun song, and to me at least, it seems to be a pretty apt metaphor for all the screaming and rambling going on in the news these days . . .</p>
<p>After all, I don&#8217;t care if you call it a Poh-TAY-To or a Poh-TAH-To, it still tastes great covered in butter and sour cream.</p>
<p>And it doesn&#8217;t matter if the chattering heads on the news rant about an &#8220;economic slowdown,&#8221; a &#8220;financial meltdown&#8221; or (GASP! EEK!) a *recession . . . it&#8217;s still a big, scary mess that&#8217;s going to hurt a whole lot of good people.</p>
<p>Now, I&#8217;m not saying this to get you down or to raise your anxiety . . . If the continued reign of &#8220;Beverly Hills Chihuahua&#8221; at the box office tells us anything it&#8217;s that people are looking for light escapism these days.</p>
<p>But personally, it drives me *nuts* when I see people dashing around, arguing semantics and rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic instead of taking the simple, proven steps they need to survive (and even grow their businesses) during the recession.</p>
<p>Because, hey, it&#8217;s a FACT . . .<br />
* Unemployment is  EXPLODING . . . did you know that since January 750,000 Americans have lost their jobs? (Heck, I personally know 3 people who have lost theirs just in the last 2 weeks.)</p>
<p>* Businesses big and small are going to die sudden, painful deaths . . . think Lehman and WaMu were bad? Wait until the credit crunch and lack of consumer confidence trickles down to the everyday small and medium businesses that make this economy run.</p>
<p>* Retirement as we know it is DONE . . . Hear that crazy sound coming from the stock market? That&#8217;s the sound of millions of retirees (or soon to be retirees) watching their savings go up in smoke because of the unethical (and moronic) actions of the money men they trusted.</p>
<p>So say it with me, Potato, Potato, Potato.</p>
<p>And now take a deep, deep breathe and force a smile on your face, because . . .</p>
<p>=====================<br />
It&#8217;s Time For The Good News<br />
=====================</p>
<p>Even during the deepest depths of the Great Depression (and this one ain&#8217;t &#8220;great&#8221; and might never become so) . . .</p>
<p>* Over 75 percent of Americans were gainfully employed and had money to spend . . .<br />
* Smart entrepreneurs *started* businesses, created jobs and absolutely thrived . . . .<br />
* And even in the darkest of times people figured out how to mash up that nasty potato and get rich?</p>
<p>And you can do the same thing. But only if you take a deep breathe, think straight and act smart.</p>
<p>So here&#8217;s your Potato Survival Kit . . .</p>
<p>1. Figure out your 80/20</p>
<p>Most businesses get 80 percent of their business from 20 percent of their customers. Strangely enough, most customers have *no idea* what 20 percent is actually keeping them alive and waste all their time and effort going after the great unwashed masses.</p>
<p>Where are you really getting your business from? How can you serve them better? How can you give them better value? How can you get more of your most profitable customer?</p>
<p>2. Say Goodbye to Flash And Dazzle</p>
<p>Personally I&#8217;ve never been a big fan of flash and dazzle image advertising . . . but in an economy like what we&#8217;ve got today, relying on image to bring in sales is absolute suicide.</p>
<p>If you want to survive (and maybe even grow your business) during our current little problem you&#8217;ve got to focus on proven, tested marketing techniques that actually create sales and put money in your pocket.</p>
<p>If you aren&#8217;t currently using direct response marketing techniques to feed your business, it&#8217;s time to start. If you&#8217;re already hip (or semi hip) to the ways of direct response, it&#8217;s time to ramp up the testing and hold yourself and your marketing team to a much higher standard.</p>
<p>3. Give People What They Want</p>
<p>Gary Halbert is famous for saying &#8220;When All Else Fails, Give People What They Want.&#8221;</p>
<p>Not what you think they want.</p>
<p>Not what you want them to want.</p>
<p>But what they *actually* want.</p>
<p>I wrote a whole article on this in the past, but when times are tough it&#8217;s essential that you figure out what core desires your customers have and find a way to fulfill them.</p>
<p>Which might mean lowering your prices . . .<br />
Which might mean changing the way you package and sell your products . . .<br />
Which might mean giving away a whole bunch of value for free . . .</p>
<p>And which almost definitely means getting out of your comfort zone.</p>
<p>Later skater,</p>
<p>C</p>
<p>P.S. If you&#8217;re an employee drawing a salary week in and week out? You&#8217;ve *got* to start looking around for your own income stream. Right now even a stiff breeze is enough to cause most companies to lay you off. In a down economy, the only safe thing to do is work for yourself.
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		<title>HWW #43: 3 Simple Ways To Make Good Money In Bad Times</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=219</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=219#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 23 Sep 2008 16:48:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Newsletter</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=219</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Lot&#8217;s to cover today, so let&#8217;s just cut to it in handy-dandy numbered form:
1. &#8220;Mr. Moneyfingers&#8217;&#8221; birthday was last week. I&#8217;m now a whopping 31 years old. Strangely, due to back surgery, I now feel younger than I did when I was thirty. It&#8217;s the fountain of youth in the form of a small, angry [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Lot&#8217;s to cover today, so let&#8217;s just cut to it in handy-dandy numbered form:</p>
<p>1. &#8220;Mr. Moneyfingers&#8217;&#8221; birthday was last week. I&#8217;m now a whopping 31 years old. Strangely, due to back surgery, I now feel younger than I did when I was thirty. It&#8217;s the fountain of youth in the form of a small, angry scar.</p>
<p>2.  Some fellow Office Nomads and I are taking part in the Seattle AIDS walk on October 4th. My goal is to raise $250 bucks for AIDS research, but to do so I need your help. Check out <a href="http://www.lifelongevents.org/site/TR/AIDSWalk/TeamRaiser?px=1277081&#038;pg=personal&#038;fr_id=1210&#038;et=qMqLJxTx7pXKJfy0XIVMkw..&#038;s_tafId=9092">this website</a> and drop a couple of bucks for a good cause.</p>
<p>3. Holy @#$#@!!! what the heck happened to the economy?!</p>
<p>Unless you&#8217;ve been playing Rock Band 2 non stop for the last couple of weeks (personally, I could play those Bon Jovi songs forever), you know that the American economy is teetering like a late-game Jenga tower.</p>
<p>Which is bad for everybody.</p>
<p>But if you listen to the advice I&#8217;m about to give you, it doesn&#8217;t have to be particularly bad for *you.*</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Because I&#8217;m going to tell you . . . </p>
<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211;<br />
3 Simple Ways For Your Business To Make Really Good Money In Really Bad Times<br />
&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8211;</p>
<p>1. Turn &#8220;Old&#8221; Customers Into &#8220;New&#8221; Customers</p>
<p>If you&#8217;re like most business folk, you spend a tremendous amount of time, energy and money trying to turn strangers into customers . . .  and almost completely ignore your current and lapsed customers.</p>
<p>But I&#8217;ll tell you right now that your &#8220;dead customer&#8221; file is an absolute goldmine . . . a goldmine you can&#8217;t afford to ignore in &#8220;tough economic times.&#8221;</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Because, if you follow some simple steps, it&#8217;s tremendously easy to to bring &#8220;dead&#8221; customers back to life. In direct marketing circles, a hefty list of &#8220;buyers&#8221; is seen as the holy grail. If folks have bought from you before, they&#8217;re way, way more likely to buy from you again . . . if you just ask them to and make it worth their time.</p>
<p>So here&#8217;s what you should do:<br />
1. Compile a list of &#8220;dead&#8221; customers who have bought from you in the past but dropped off between 6 months and 2 years ago.<br />
2. Draft a letter where you offer your &#8220;dead&#8221; customers a discount on a product or service they actually want, and offer them some kind of valuable bonus or bribe that will make their life better in some way.<br />
3. Sit back in awe and wonder as those musky old &#8220;dead&#8221; customers spit and sputter back to life and buy, buy, buy.</p>
<p>2. Use Joint Ventures to provide your customers with extra value . . . and get paid for your time.</p>
<p>This is one of those &#8220;no brainer&#8221; things that almost nobody actually does, and almost everybody should.</p>
<p>Like I said a second ago, a list of buyers is tremendously valuable. If people have bought from you in the past, they&#8217;re likely to buy from you again . . . and they&#8217;re likely to actually listen to you when you tell them to buy from someone else.</p>
<p>Most internet businesses are built from the ground up on this principle. I know quite a few internet entrepreneurs who make more selling other people&#8217;s stuff to their lists than they do selling their own stuff. Heck, some of these guys don&#8217;t even have any products of their own at all.</p>
<p>So how do you set up a joint venture that pays off fast?</p>
<p>	1. Find a product or service that&#8217;s complimentary to what you&#8217;ve got to sell or that your customers would be interested in. </p>
<p>	2. Promote that product or service to your customers in exchange for a percentage of sales.</p>
<p>	3. Get paid for your time, without having to do any real work and without having to move inventory.</p>
<p>Do you sell custom guitars? Find a tube-amp manufacturer who you respect and offer to promote to your customers in exchange for a percentage of the action. If they&#8217;re smart, they&#8217;ll hop all over the deal and you&#8217;ll both make money. </p>
<p>And if you think that your business &#8220;different&#8221; and that you can&#8217;t do JV&#8217;s, you&#8217;re wrong.</p>
<p>3. Give Your Best Stuff Away . . . and wait and see what you *get* in return.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m not a big fan of Business Networkers International (BNI), but I do really dig their tag line: Givers Gain.</p>
<p>If you want to do well in a tough economy, you&#8217;ve got to stand out. And the best way to stand out is to provide ridiculous, incredible value. </p>
<p>You can do that by giving away information (which is really what I&#8217;m doing here), by giving a sample of your product or by giving payment terms that are customer friendly. But the point is to *give* your customers value. </p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Well, for one thing it helps to build a nice bond with your customers.</p>
<p>For another, it develops a feeling of reciprocity. As human beings, we&#8217;re hard wired to *give back* to folks who give us things. I don&#8217;t have room to cover the whole concept here, but trust me, it works.</p>
<p>When you give your customers value, you gain trust, referrals and sales.</p>
<p>And there you go. </p>
<p>OK, it&#8217;s time for a . . . </p>
<p>SHAMELESS PLUG: I often run campaigns just like these for clients of my &#8220;Moneyfingers, Inc.&#8221; consulting service. I&#8217;m damnably selective about who I take on for clients, but if you&#8217;ve got a sizable list of past customers and a quality business, you may qualify. Hit me up with an email and we&#8217;ll find out.)</p>
<p>And that&#8217;s it, folks. I&#8217;ll be writing about my take on the Microsoft Ad debacle later this week (short version: I still think they&#8217;re first ad was pretty good . . . but where they went from there was embarrassing.) </p>
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		<title>The Driftwood Guarantee</title>
		<link>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=218</link>
		<comments>http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=218#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:50:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>chris</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Ramblings</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://haddadink.com/blog/?p=218</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Over on Orcas Island this weekend I had the following conversation with the lovely mid-fiftieswoman who ran the resort we were at:
Me: &#8220;Is it a nice room?&#8221;
Her: &#8220;Oh, it&#8217;s a very nice room.&#8221;
Me: &#8220;Really?&#8221;
Her: &#8220;I like this room so much that if you don&#8217;t like it you can go down to the water, grab a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Over on Orcas Island this weekend I had the following conversation with the lovely mid-fiftieswoman who ran the resort we were at:</p>
<p>Me: &#8220;Is it a nice room?&#8221;</p>
<p>Her: &#8220;Oh, it&#8217;s a very nice room.&#8221;</p>
<p>Me: &#8220;Really?&#8221;</p>
<p>Her: &#8220;I like this room so much that if you don&#8217;t like it you can go down to the water, grab a piece of driftwood and come back here and  beat me with it.&#8221;</p>
<p>Pretty great guarantee, huh?<br />
I bet there&#8217;s a whole newsletter in there somewhere, but I already covered a lot of this stuff in the last issue.
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