Just heard a great quote from Phoebe–one of the lovely ladies behind the Nontourage Podcast had a great insight into why they’re decked out with so much delectable schwag
She says: “We’re marketing challenged, we’re just really good at shopping.”
I just got off stage where I played a rousing game of “What, so what?” with my good friend Scott Bourne. Scott held a room of rabid podcasters rapt as her laid out all the basics of how you can turn a passion for niche-casting into cold hard cash.
So if you’re here after seeing Scott and I at the expo, welcome and I hope you’ll stick around as I throw a little marketing speak your way.
What’s the core marketing concept every podcaster and niche-media mogul needs to know if they want to attract honest to goodness advertisers?
Just this:
People are selfish. Really selfish. Spend all the time in the world crafting an absolutely gorgeous audio ad, shell out the hard cash for your very own voice of god and work your fingers to the cold white bone and you know what? Most people–most consumers–won’t care. They won’t care about the soccer games you missed, the money you spent or that vacation you just know you could take if you could just get a couple of folks to buy from you’re loving sponsor.
Consumers only care about one thing: “What’s in it for me? How is this product or service going to make my life better, make my day simpler and let me do things I just couldn’t do before?”
If you can’t answer those questions — if you can’t let go of facts, figures and [-B features B-], and paint a compelling picture of the wondrous benefits the product or service you’re selling will provide, you’re doomed and damned to marketing purgatory.
So, when putting together your ads and marketing podcasts, take a deep breath, close your eyes and will yourself to translate your boring features into bombastic benefits. If you’re a consultant, don’t tell me about your four year degree from Harvard, instead, focus on the peace of mind I’ll experience knowing an Ivy League intellect is hard at work on the job. If you’re selling sports cars, don’t waste precious space prattling on about cubic inches, torque and horsepower. Instead, paint a picture of how powerful I’ll feel as I barrel down the road, gunning the engine, outrunning my humdrum life, and driving off into the sunset with a sultry waif giggling sexily by my side.
In other words, show me what’s in it for me.
Eager to know more? Drop me a line. Or if you’re at the conference call me on my cell at 206-550-5558.
I’m scampering around doing some last minute packing for my trip to lovely (err, well, not really) Ontario, California for the Portable Media Expo.
It’ll be two full days of how-to’s and why-to’s seasoned with a healthy smattering of networking, geek talk and, most likely, drinking. There should be wi-fi all over the convention center, so I’ll be sure to post a few times with thoughts and impressions. It’ll be just like you’re there! Only not at all!
Just read an ad that was the very epitome of the “wrong” way to promote a conference.
Or maybe “wrong” isn’t the right word. Maybe it’s just “pointless.”
My copy of “Marketing News” came in today, and the whole front cover is taken up with an Ad for the American Marketing Association’s flagship conference, MPlanet.
I can’t find a good scan of the cover online, but the copy goes like this:
At the top of the page:
ALL ABOUT MPLANET
At AMA’s unique marketing event, professionals will find any number of new ways to survive and thrive in the new world of marketing.
Then on the bottom 2/3rds of the page, we’ve got a picture of two folks sitting on a couch staring at a starry sky. And superimposed on that we get some more, err, “creative” copy:
MPLANET
Light Years From Ordinary
Introducing MPlanet, AMA’s unprecedented event for the marketing community.
Ok, so why is this sticking in my craw? Why is this worthy of me stuck here in my super-special copywriting crimes category?
Well, let’s think about it for a second.
Go back up and read that copy again. Now answer me a few questions.
-Who is this copy aimed at? Near as I can tell, it’s marketing professionals–the very folks that would be reading a publication like marketing news. But still, the clever copywriter charged with putting this high-profile cover together says “professionals will find. . . ” instead of “you will find. . . ”
-What’s the big ballsy benefit of this conference? As a marketing pro, what amazing thing am I going to learn at this conference that’s going to flip my whole world upside down? Honestly, looking at it, I don’t know. Sure, there are platitudes and weak, weak, (weak) statements about this conference showing me (or, er, “Professionals”) “how to survive and thrive in the new world of marketing” but there’s not a single example of what that means. There’s no specificity at all.
-What sets this conference apart? What’s the USP? Reading the copy, it looks like the Unique Selling Proposition is that the conference is . . .uh. . “unique” and, uh. . “unprecedented.” Which to me is, uh, lame.
Which is really how I feel about the cover, the articles inside and the flash-heavy and content-light website the AMA shelled out big gobs of cash to put together. It’s a bearish monster, that site. Hard to navigate, harder to read and full of some of the limpest copy I’ve come across in a while.
Having been in the marketing game for a some time now, it always strikes me as odd and horrible how utterly awful the marketing done by organizations like the AMA and the DMA (direct marketing association) is. You’d think with all the high-paid power behind these organizations, they’d have the basics down, but instead we get flat and useless drivel cut together by committees who pat themselves on the back for their artful use of the word “unprecedented.”
So what should they have done?
Well, how about actually finding out what their target cares about and putting forth a specific reason to show up at Epcot center? How about talking right to the people that matter? How about throwing off the stiff as a board prose style and remembering that marketing people are, uh, people? Tough stuff, I know. But I’d bet my right arm they’d get ten times the response.
Gary Bencivenga (gotta love that name) just posted a new edition of his “Bencivenga Bullets” up on the web for all to see. Gary is widely held to be the absolute greatest Copywriter of all time, and you’d better believe that when he opens his brain and says “dig in” I put everything else I’m doing aside and grab a spork.
In this issue Gary lets us in on the biggest thing you need to keep in mind when planning your marketing strategy.
I crunched a finger in a tremendously embarrassing way last nigh, which means for the next couple days I’m doomed to one-handed typing. Hold tight, kiddies, I’ll be back to my old blogging self soon.
Welcome to the Hard-Working Words Newsletter–-a monthly publication from copywriter and word-mercenary, Chris Haddad. If you’d rather not receive this email, simply send a message to unsubscribe@haddadink.com. The little elves who live in my computer will take care of everything.
Hey folks,
Welcome back to the Hard-Working Words newsletter. I’ve had lots to chew on over the last month (OK, month and change. I’m a couple days late.) Between a four-day trip to Vegas, a raucous celebration of my 29th birthday, visits from friends from the East coast, run ins with terrible and horrifying customer service and a veritable mountain of good old fashioned work for lovely, lovely clients, I feel like I just want to curl up in a field somewhere and take a long, satisfying nap.
But fear not, dear reader, because all that exhausting whackiness has filled my head with metric tons of marketing wonder.
I’ve always had a love/loathe relationship with Las Vegas. At its base level, the whole city is a palace built on the backs of wasted cash and human misery. Plus it’s hot. And I’ve always distrusted buffets.
But still, there’s something awe-inspiring about strolling down the strip. The lights. The sounds. The impossibly cheap prime rib. I tell foreign friends that if they want to really experience the US of A, they should head to Vegas. And I always tell business owners and wannabe copywriters that if you really want to learn how to sell–if you really want to learn how to separate customers from their cash and have them thanking you for the privilege–a few days cavorting around a casino is just about all the education you need.
Why? Because Vegas is the absolute master of the small ask.
The small what?
The small ask. The tiny one. What does a slot machine ask you for? Just one quarter. Just one nickel. Just one little push of that shiny white button. Just 15 more seconds of your time.
In a recent post on the HWW blog I talked about how important it is to actually ask for a response from your customers (I even used a 7th grade dance as an analogy. Go check out the post). But there’s a whole other component to the call-to-action mythology: You can only ask for as much as you’ve earned.
Huh?
Think of it this way: Say you meet a nattily dressed business type at a party and he immediately asks you for a thousand dollars. Would you give it to him? Doubtful. But if that guy put in the time and effort to sit down with you, find out about your wants and needs , lay out how his particular investment plan or product was going to dramatically benefit you and your family, get ringing testimonials from people you trust and give you a powerful guarantee that you’d be well taken care of for trusting him, then I’d say the chance of your cutting a check goes way the heck up.
Why?
Because in the second scenario he earned the right to to ask you for that thousand dollars (whereas in the first one he probably just earned a snigger and a withering stare.)
So here’s the big point.
If you’re asking for something BIG (and big varies depending on the customer. To some folks five bucks is big. To other $5k is nothing at all) you have to earn it. You have to do the old-fashioned marketing work of convincing them that you’re trustworthy, that your product or service does what you say it does and that their buyer’s remorse is going to be kept to an absolute minimum.
And the best way to get to the point where you’re able to do the big ask–the best way to actually earn that special right–is by getting a little Vegas and making a series of smaller asks.
For instance, you could:
-Set up a form on your website that asks for an email address so you can send a customer more valuable and educational information.
-Send out a newsletter that asks your readers for a few minutes of their time in exchange for some useful tips.
-Set up a sales page that asks your customers to tune into a free teleconference on a topic that could have a big effect on their bottom line.
And about a hundred thousand other things that have you developing rapport and trust like our thousand-dollar-richer business man above. And when you’ve done all that homework and hard education? Well then, dear reader, ask away.
If you want to talk about this further, drop me a line at chris@haddadink.com
or pop over to the HWW Blog and leave a comment.
Comments? Questions? Harsh invectives?: chris@haddadink.com.
All content is copyright Chris Haddad, 2006. Feel free to distribute this issue far and wide as long as the entire newsletter is kept intact.
To learn more about Hard-Working Words and the never-ending battle against jargon, visit http://www.haddadink.com or call 206-550-5558.
Chris Haddad is available to speak at your conference or event. From copywriting basics to marketing mastery, Chris can communicate complex concepts in a way that will have both your brain and your cheekbones aching.
This morning I woke up on my hard-as-stone mattress, stumbled out to the office and decided to make a phone call.
You see, three weeks ago I decided it was time to buy a new bed. I’ve been lusting after a foam mattress for literally a decade and–after tossing and turning all night with sharp pains running through my back–decided I’d reward myself for all the hard work I’ve done this year.
So I went online. I read all I could on the various memory foam companies that are out there and after exhaustive research decided on a little company in Pennsylvania called Isoform.
Now, their website isn’t much to look at. I’d be shocked if many people actually order online and even more shocked if anyone is actually convinced to shell out the dough for one of their mattresses because of the copy on their site.
But like I said. I’d done my research. And the price was right, so I called them up, told them what I wanted, handed over the keys to my credit card and sat back, figuring in about a week I’d be sleeping in astronaut-approved comfort.
I waited.
And I waited.
And then I called them up and the very nice woman on the line said “Oh, yea. It’s shipping out tomorrow.”
And then I went to Las Vegas.
And then I waited some more.
And then I called them again and the very nice woman on the other end of the line said “Let me look into this and call you back.”
But she never did. So I called up again, and the nice woman on the other end said “Oh, a machine broke. But it’s fixed now. And we’ll ship your mattress out to you tomorrow.”
And so I waited some more. And “Tomorrow” came and went.
And then it was this morning and I stumbled out of bed and grumbled my way to the telephone ready for war.
Because, here’s the thing. The very nice woman at isoform may have had a very good reason that my mattress hadn’t shipped to me yet. And she may have had a very good reason that she didn’t call me back when she said she was going to. And she may have had a very good reason that I had to call up this company over and over just to convince them to take my money and give me their product.
But as a customer, I don’t care.
I don’t care about broken machines, sick puppies, manufacturing people who are away on vacation, meteor strikes, sprained ankles, alien invasions or rabid boyscouts overrunning the factory floor.
And so on the line, I sort of told the very nice woman at Isoform that. I said “Hey, I don’t actually care. I just want my bed. And I’m really pretty disappointed in your customer service.”
And I think I hurt the very nice woman’s feelings. And for that I’m a little sorry. But in the end, she dashed over to the factory floor, found out what the problem was, talked to her boss, found out that a bigger, more expensive bed was being made and came back on the line and said “Mr. Haddad, one of our top of the line mattresses is being made right now and we’re going to ship that out to you today at no additional charge.”
And I said thank you and hung up the line.
And I have no idea whether I’m actually going to get my shipping confirmation today. Or whether that new mattress is going to show up in a few days. But I sure do hope so. Because THAT I care about.
Every once in a while someone will ask me what the secret is to buckling down and getting work done. And right here, for the first time ever, I’m going to let you peek into my secret work habits.
So here it is:
“Eye of the Tiger” on repeat.
With that pumping beat in the background, you can’t help but be productive.
A client just put a postcard under my nose and asked me what I thought of it. I took a look, scanned through the copy, noted the lack of a headline and then said “Well, there’s a whole lot wrong with it, but the big thing is this: You never ask for anything. You never tell the reader to call you. Instead you’ve just got your phone number up there in the corner hoping that some kind soul might notice it.”
And then I gave him “The Dance Analogy.”
It goes like this: Just having your contact info up there and assuming somebody will use it is a lot like walking up to a girl at your seventh grade dance and saying “dancing is fun.”
And then just standing there, waiting for her to do something and hoping your fly is zipped.
If you want to get out on that floor, you’ve got to ask. You’ve got to say “Do you want to dance?” and stand there and take the answer.
Otherwise, why did you show up in the first place?
