The Hard-Working Words Blog

Lot’s to cover today, so let’s just cut to it in handy-dandy numbered form:

1. “Mr. Moneyfingers’” birthday was last week. I’m now a whopping 31 years old. Strangely, due to back surgery, I now feel younger than I did when I was thirty. It’s the fountain of youth in the form of a small, angry scar.

2. Some fellow Office Nomads and I are taking part in the Seattle AIDS walk on October 4th. My goal is to raise $250 bucks for AIDS research, but to do so I need your help. Check out this website and drop a couple of bucks for a good cause.

3. Holy @#$#@!!! what the heck happened to the economy?!

Unless you’ve been playing Rock Band 2 non stop for the last couple of weeks (personally, I could play those Bon Jovi songs forever), you know that the American economy is teetering like a late-game Jenga tower.

Which is bad for everybody.

But if you listen to the advice I’m about to give you, it doesn’t have to be particularly bad for *you.*

Why?

Because I’m going to tell you . . .

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3 Simple Ways For Your Business To Make Really Good Money In Really Bad Times
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1. Turn “Old” Customers Into “New” Customers

If you’re like most business folk, you spend a tremendous amount of time, energy and money trying to turn strangers into customers . . . and almost completely ignore your current and lapsed customers.

But I’ll tell you right now that your “dead customer” file is an absolute goldmine . . . a goldmine you can’t afford to ignore in “tough economic times.”

Why?

Because, if you follow some simple steps, it’s tremendously easy to to bring “dead” customers back to life. In direct marketing circles, a hefty list of “buyers” is seen as the holy grail. If folks have bought from you before, they’re way, way more likely to buy from you again . . . if you just ask them to and make it worth their time.

So here’s what you should do:
1. Compile a list of “dead” customers who have bought from you in the past but dropped off between 6 months and 2 years ago.
2. Draft a letter where you offer your “dead” customers a discount on a product or service they actually want, and offer them some kind of valuable bonus or bribe that will make their life better in some way.
3. Sit back in awe and wonder as those musky old “dead” customers spit and sputter back to life and buy, buy, buy.

2. Use Joint Ventures to provide your customers with extra value . . . and get paid for your time.

This is one of those “no brainer” things that almost nobody actually does, and almost everybody should.

Like I said a second ago, a list of buyers is tremendously valuable. If people have bought from you in the past, they’re likely to buy from you again . . . and they’re likely to actually listen to you when you tell them to buy from someone else.

Most internet businesses are built from the ground up on this principle. I know quite a few internet entrepreneurs who make more selling other people’s stuff to their lists than they do selling their own stuff. Heck, some of these guys don’t even have any products of their own at all.

So how do you set up a joint venture that pays off fast?

1. Find a product or service that’s complimentary to what you’ve got to sell or that your customers would be interested in.

2. Promote that product or service to your customers in exchange for a percentage of sales.

3. Get paid for your time, without having to do any real work and without having to move inventory.

Do you sell custom guitars? Find a tube-amp manufacturer who you respect and offer to promote to your customers in exchange for a percentage of the action. If they’re smart, they’ll hop all over the deal and you’ll both make money.

And if you think that your business “different” and that you can’t do JV’s, you’re wrong.

3. Give Your Best Stuff Away . . . and wait and see what you *get* in return.

I’m not a big fan of Business Networkers International (BNI), but I do really dig their tag line: Givers Gain.

If you want to do well in a tough economy, you’ve got to stand out. And the best way to stand out is to provide ridiculous, incredible value.

You can do that by giving away information (which is really what I’m doing here), by giving a sample of your product or by giving payment terms that are customer friendly. But the point is to *give* your customers value.

Why?

Well, for one thing it helps to build a nice bond with your customers.

For another, it develops a feeling of reciprocity. As human beings, we’re hard wired to *give back* to folks who give us things. I don’t have room to cover the whole concept here, but trust me, it works.

When you give your customers value, you gain trust, referrals and sales.

And there you go.

OK, it’s time for a . . .

SHAMELESS PLUG: I often run campaigns just like these for clients of my “Moneyfingers, Inc.” consulting service. I’m damnably selective about who I take on for clients, but if you’ve got a sizable list of past customers and a quality business, you may qualify. Hit me up with an email and we’ll find out.)

And that’s it, folks. I’ll be writing about my take on the Microsoft Ad debacle later this week (short version: I still think they’re first ad was pretty good . . . but where they went from there was embarrassing.)

Over on Orcas Island this weekend I had the following conversation with the lovely mid-fiftieswoman who ran the resort we were at:

Me: “Is it a nice room?”

Her: “Oh, it’s a very nice room.”

Me: “Really?”

Her: “I like this room so much that if you don’t like it you can go down to the water, grab a piece of driftwood and come back here and  beat me with it.”

Pretty great guarantee, huh?
I bet there’s a whole newsletter in there somewhere, but I already covered a lot of this stuff in the last issue.

So if you’re at all interested in the wide world of marketing, you’ve probably already seen the new Jerry Seinfeld/Bill Gates buddy-comedy shoe store ad.

But if you haven’t, here it is:

Pretty funny, huh? Or at least pretty weird. I mean, there’s something just patently absurd about the whole thing. It’s like techno beat poetry in suburban America. It’s about 3 steps away from an SNL skit.

But, in a way, I think it’s kind of brilliant.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m still a “Direct Marketing Guy.” I still think that every ad you put out should make a case for your product and make you money.

And I’m still a “Mac Guy.” I still worship at the altar of my Macbook Pro and carry a little piece of Steve Jobs in my pants wherever I go. (I’m talking about my iPhone, you pervert. Sheesh!)

But that doesn’t mean I can’t tip my hat and twitch my eyebrow when the giant, evil megacorp across the bridge actually does something right.

And as the opening salvo in a long (and horribly expensive . . . they’re spending about 300 mil all told) campaign, I think this ad does quite a bit right indeed.

As you’ve probably noticed, Microsoft has something of an image problem.

People hate the big M in a way reasonable folks would reserve for the dark lord Voldemort.

And those that don’t hate the company, just kind of feel ambivalent about it.

There’s nothing sexy about Microsoft. Nothing cuddly. Nothing human.

And that’s the problem that this ad is aimed at addressing, not the actual sales of Microsofts Vista.

So what does this “Seinfeld Vision” ad do right?

1. It gets people talking. If you go to any Mac site, any PC site, any tech site or even any celebrity site today, you’re going to hear about this brand spanking new ad . . . and how utterly nuts Microsoft is for putting it out. You’ll also probably hear all sorts of stuff about the brilliance of Steve Jobs, but that’s besides the point.

2. It gets people curious. What the heck is this ad supposed to be? Where the heck is it going? Why the heck does Bill Gates dress like that when he’s so very, very rich?

3. It humanizes Microsoft through its most famous mascot, Bill Gates.

And to me, that’s the most important part.

In Direct Marketing we put a lot of effort into starting a “conversation” with our customers. We put faces on things. Create characters. Tell stories. Talk like human beings.

Typically, big corporate companies don’t do that. They speak in marketing jargon and basically try to brow beat their customers into buying from them.

This ad is one tiny step away from that.

Does this ad actually “sell” anything? Does it do a darned thing to actually get someone to get off their butt, go down to Best Buy and buy a copy of Vista?

Nope. Not at all.

But it’s not supposed to. It’s supposed to get get the millions and millions of folks around the world who will see it scratching their heads, wracking their brains and wondering what the heck the Big M is going to put out next.

And at that, it succeeds brilliantly.

Later,

C

P.S. Is this ad campaign going to turn around the MS Titanic and get the company moving right? No idea. The problems over in Redmond go a lot deeper than just image.

P.P.S. The only part of the ad I really *didn’t* like was the whole “Your Jupiter brain has mind melded with the saturn rings of other brains” bit. It just felt way too “written.”

And I’m frightened of eating my computer like cake.

Now, would I suggest that YOU blow 300 million bucks on a weirdo comedy campaign? Nope. Not at all.